Having come to the conclusion during one of our late night discussions that any apocalypse other than a Zombie Apocalypse would just be disappointing; we also came to a startling realization. Up 'til now all zombies have been fairly stereotypical. For example:
The ever popular farmer zombie- complete with pitchfork, naturally.
The inbred zombie- with his overalls falling off because even in life he was too stupid to work a clasp.
The sexy teenage prom queen zombie- cheer leader, stripper, it's all the same; rotting flesh on every ounce of the corpse except, of course, for the double D's.
The clown zombie- because clowns apparently aren't scary enough on their own.
The occasional cafeteria lady zombie- recognizable by the hair net and Monday's meatloaf plastered to her apron. Or maybe that's just brains?
And finally, the uniformed zombie- virtually anyone in a uniform as it helps to identify them, what with all that skin falling off it's hard to tell otherwise.
Having stumbled upon this discovery, we have compiled a list of zombies that might make us come down off the roof for a closer look:
The mime zombie- he's gonna eat your brains just as soon as he gets out of that damned box.
The marching band zombie- preferably from the percussion section, crashing his cymbals every shamble of the way, because he can't figure out how to get them off his hands.
The couch potato zombie- lacking both the physical strength as well as the manual dexterity to put the foot rest down, he is trapped in the recliner and forced to watch old re-runs on late night TV on into infinity. Which brings me to…
The 'Shamwow' guy zombie (who also sold the 'Slapchop') who has just partaken of the especially yummy brains of the 'HeadOn' guys (who doesn't want to see these guys dead?)- Slapchop, apply directly to the forehead, 'cause I can't keep eatin' your brains all day.
The Celine Dion zombie- shuffling down the street, her bony fist beating her concave chest, moaning, "Neeeeaaaaar, faaaar, wherever you aaaaare." Sorry, Celine, your heart did NOT go on.
The nun zombie- ruler in hand, her habit all askew, and her cross ironically pristine.
The Charlie Sheen zombie- sorry Charlie, you're not winning anymore.
And last, but certainly never least, the Snarky zombie- Snaaarrrrk! I mean braaaiiinnns!
